Learning from my children

Saturday, October 24, 2009

My daughter just came and ask me if she can take my plate to the kitchen, after taking hers to the kitchen. I smiled and told her yes and how kind she was. She is just two and it warms my heart that she is like this.

My son will walk up to me out of the blue, even when I'm upset and shouting and say: 'I love you mama'
It stops me in my tracks. It's so pure that sometimes my eyes well up with tears. He is precious to me. When he was born, it was the first time I truly tasted love. It was amazing. Yes, he is precious to me.

There are days when I feel like such a failure as a parent and I'll pray and beseech God to help me be the parent they need. The best parent. There are fantastic days and I pray would go on and on and then there are those days that make you forget you ever had a fantastic day.

And they are so forgiving, reminding me how God forgives.

God knows what I need and what they need, but it's not about what I give them. It's what we give each other. These are God's little vessels and he uses them, just the same way he can use an adult to do his work.

So when I wrong my own children, I will ask forgiveness from them. I do now and it's a way to teach them how important it is to apologize and also to let them know that mom and dad are vulnerable and learning as we live.

And each moment I have, I can start over again in being the best parent possible.

Maybe somewhere along the way, the fear that they'll grow up to hate me, will dissipate. I don't know why that feeling is there, but it has always been there. Maybe its how I saw my own siblings treat my mother who sacrificed everything for them. (I did not grow up with my mother). Or it's how society portrays the generalization that majority of children despise their parents.

I thank God for these little blessings. My children with the beautiful hearts.

Love mom.

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8 comments:

One Chic Mommy, October 24, 2009 5:24 PM: Wow, awesome post! I can totally understand everything you are saying here. I too have a constant fear about my children growing up angry at me. I know so many people who don't have relationships with their parents.
We can forget about them knowing and appreciating how much we love them and all did for them during their adolescents. But once they become adults and have children of their own they will then know, love, and appreciate all we(moms) have done.
Robynn's Ravings, October 24, 2009 9:45 PM: Oh, I so LOVED this post. Children make life so worthwhile and I want that relationship to be strong and last forever. I worried so much when I was pregnant with my first that she would grow up to hate me. I think that must be the norm for people like you, like me, who come from a lot of pain. We can, and do by God's goodness and grace, create something completely different for our children. Your kids are SO precious and you are beautiful X10 - inside and out. I love your heart. :)
The Jacobsen Family!, October 25, 2009 12:22 AM: Well said!! It is amazing what our children can teach US! We also apologize to our children when we've wronged them. I agree, it's important to lead by example, and to show them that even mommies and daddies can make mistakes.
Such a good mom you are! Your children will love you as much when they are older as they do now. Maybe more. After all, as adults and parents ourselves, it's easy to see the other side of things.
Hugs!
Life with Kaishon, October 25, 2009 12:30 AM: This was such a loving and wonderful post. Your children are beautiful and they have a beautiful Mommy! I know God will give you strength! I feel like I make a million mistakes too! Always making them! I am glad that I am not the only Mom that feels like this!
Jennifer-Eighty MPH Mom, October 25, 2009 2:05 PM: What a brilliant and heartfelt post. Your children will adore you forever if you have that relationship now. I can tell that you are an amazing mother. I know my children adore me and they are much older, and I love them just the same. They are my life.

You are so blessed to have beautiful, caring children...and you know what? It's because you are their mother.
JamericanSpice, October 28, 2009 12:08 AM: Jennifer eightymphmom
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Oh Jennifer, you are so precious! *HUGS*

Thank you for this.

It is wonderful that your children still adores you.

As a new mother it's comforting to hear this good thing from another mother. A fact that is different from the negative being portrayed wildly in society.

I'm always praying to be a good mother to my babies. Nothing could prepare me for this journey. I love it though.
JamericanSpice, October 28, 2009 2:40 AM: Robynn darling,
Thank you for these kind words. They are good for the soul.
I thought I was the only one who thought like this. I don't dwell on it, but every so often it rears it's ugly head.
It is only by God's grace that I do good for my children because I did not getting any nurture growing up as a child, so it amazes me that nurture comes out. We could say it's a natural instinct for women/mother, but I've seen what life has done to many who were like me, grew up in the same environment like me. Most remain shells.

I'm so thank ful that I get this experience and that I'm not alone in my journey.

Thank you for visiting with me dearest. I must come over. I have been thinking of you. It's just time....and look at what time I'm still up trying to catch up.

*HUGS*
JamericanSpice, October 28, 2009 2:49 AM: One chic Mommy
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Thank you!

I never thought that others felt this way. I usually think there was something wrong with me for thinking like this, but I've seen even my siblings who grew up with my mother (I didn't grow with my mom) come to despise her and hurt her over and over and my mother is a good woman. She has sacrificed everything for them. Even the very food from her mouths to ensure they ate! And yet. They've spit at her and treated her so terribly. I shudder.

I can only do the best I can and keep praying for God's guidance.

And I agree...children will not understand adult things until they themselves are adults.

Thank you for visiting with me.

have a lovely Wednesday!