The Mom I am Today

Jenine from Badger Momma tagged me for The Mom I am Today meme. To complete this tag, I must share 5 experiences that helped shape me into the mom I am today and tag 5 other moms.

I will try my best to do this.

1. I grew up in an orphanage where all you had was a bed and food most of the times. Nothing was taught on how to share, or love, or forgive, or deal with conflicts etc.
If I sit and reflect on myself I can see where my output whether quiet or loud, can be negative. Therefore I have had to teach myself to do the opposite of what I grew up with.

I was never hugged and so I hug my children as much as it comes to me and this has become easy and wonderful. Same thing goes for kisses and being read to and playing with them and all the wonderful things that a child should get while growing up. I'm not at all perfect at it, but alas with God's help I am learning and getting better.

I have also had to learn how to say 'I love you' to my children enough times. Now my son at age four will , out of the blue, say, 'I love you mom' or ' mom? and I say: yes D . 'I love you mom'. It catches me off guard and it's precious and I notice that many times, I'm tempted to ask, why do you love me. I don't because I know he is being sincere in his childlikeness.

However, I never heard those words from anyone until I met my husband and so they are strange to me but life to my spirit.

2. It's ok to keep my childlikeness. It helps me to be a better mother. If my child did something, I look back and realize that as a child I might have done the very same thing and empathy and grace comes in how I respond to my children in the situation.

3. I never thought I was strong, but being a mother has taught me that because I'm shy, does not mean I'm weak (hence my banner).

4. I was not popular nor unpopular. I was just never easily influenced. I think this will help me to teach my children how to make their own choices and stand strong in their convictions and not easily sway with the crowd. It all passes. Everything has it's time.

5. I have a constant.
When I was with foster parents, I had to go to church for hours. I hated it! I hated sitting in those pews while old people sang and preached forever and a day about fire and brimstone!

But my heart remembered the songs as I grew.

As a teen I resisted going to church as much as I could. I refused to be forced into making a choice for Jesus. I could read and knew that it was a free choice to make and when I was ready! Not when they think I should be ready.

However while at the orphanage, I'd volunteer to go to church on Sundays because it meant that I would ride in a bus out those big heavy gates and see scenery for miles until we get to church.

I was outside those gates. I could dream. I might even run away(of course I didn't. I didn't want to starve on the streets or get myself raped). I got to see other people and smell different things and eat different food. And sit in those pews for hours, but tis but a small price to pay for such a freedom.

I listen to the fire and brimstone and still I refused to be spiritually bullied. I just want my little taste of being outside those walls.

The songs always remain with me.

As I got older, I prayed for each fork in the road I'd have to take in my life. Not down on your knees pray. I'd just tell God like it is.

i.e. While I was in high school (at the orphanage, some children were chosen to attend school), during Summer break, I said to God, well what am I supposed to do now with all these months huh? You better work it out Lord.
Knock my socks off he did! (That would be a longer story to get into)

And so my prayers went (And stick me with a pin, he always come through!) until I finally choose to accept him into my life as Lord and saviour.

So Jesus is my constant and I hope that my children will have this constant.

Now to tagging. Should I use tape? or needle and thread..ok ok ok I'll just get on with it.

Kari @ A Giveaway Addicted Mommy
Alesha @ The Jacobsen Family!
Night Owl Mama
One Chic Mommy 

Jumpin-Beans