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1/14/12

Do You Love Your Husband More Than Your Children?

I don't make it a goal to love my children more than I love my husband. Loving my children and my husband are two different loves. However one gets nurtured and more often reciprocated than the other.

I think this is an interesting article on the subject and I agree that if you want to have any semblance of a relationship after your children are moved on with their lives, then you need to have a strong marriage during their stay at home.

But while that is happening for some couples, most of us are struggling with how to have a good relationship apart from our children or around our children.

My husband and I are committed to our relationship. I've seen this during our seven years of marriage. We have been through A LOT and are still learning how to navigate a relationship. Right now the most important thing is that we respect each other and even when we are fighting, we do not resort to calling each other names or using cuss words at each other etc. But don't mistake me, I get loud! I will smash stuff, and then I'll do major silent treatment and I know many of you talk about how petty silent treatment is, but for me, it's good. It's the time when I get to calm down, think about what happened, if I need to apologize, follow up, or go another round.

I wish we had a cheering team. Like an older marriage couple or two, who would just be there with us along our marriage journey.

I'm kind of a realist. I don't expect constant gooey ooey feelings in our marriage, but I believe romance should never die and romance can be different for every couple. For me, right now, it would be seeing my husband take part in helping our household. Maybe every now and then getting the dishes done, or wheeling a vacuum. I don't want him doing chores like this all the time, but every so often would be great.
I am married to the best son (he has seven siblings) and I hope we can continue to work on our marriage and give it a strong foundation as the years go by.

If I can remember such wise advice like this from this couple married for 87 years, then I can try to keep it going:
Everyone who plants a seed and harvests the crop celebrates together. We are individuals, but accomplish more together. Remember marriage is not a contest -- never keep a score. God has put the two of you together on the same team to win.
Do you love your children more than your husband?

What marital advice would you love to share? Something that has worked or is working for you.



About the author: Owner of JamericanSpice. Sharing my journey in the present, from the past or thoughts for my future. Mom of two who loves to travel and read and decipher people.
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6 comments :

  1. I agree with you 101% of this post. However, my BFF and I have debates about this one all the time as our opinion on this differs significantly.

    I've been married for 12 years and I believe that we chose each other before we decided together to have children. My husband is the leader in our family. That certainly doesn't mean I'm submissive and take his word as gospel. No frikken way. I have my say but we talk about thingss, we communicate with each other, we sometimes fight about stuff but we come to decisions together. Then the outcome is implemented by hubby.

    I agree that they are two COMPLETELY difference types of love and you can't compare them. Your love for your children is totally unconditional - no matter what.

    I just know that if R and I are NOT on the same page, it will affect our children. We need to keep each other happy in order to be able to navigate positive parenting.

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  2. Lass you are so right! I'm like you in that respect that I don't take stuff as gospel from my hubs, nor do I lie down submissively to bullpoo.

    I think we must discuss things and agree and then he should implement this in our family. However it seems I do more of the implementing.

    I want him to lead.
    And for sure, if we aren't having a healthy relationship, it will affect the children and the whole feeling in our family.

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  3. There was a show on the other day of something similar to this. The mother got her kids taken away & the grandmother is raising them because while the woman was pregnant the hubby made her go out & do a couple of tricks for money to get his drugs & she did it! What a ......! Plus this man had to weight 300 or more lbs I mean he was nothing to look at. She was overweight, but pretty & she said she loves her husband & that's the way it was. Anyway long disgusting story. As far as me loving my children more than I did their father YES I DID, BUT it's the circumstances you have to look at too. Their father was a jerk (to put it mildly, alcoholic, wife abuser, etc. Shall I go on? No, I didn't think so. Do I love my children more than I do my husband now? I agree with you. It's a different kind of love, but if you talk in degrees yes I think it's about the same degree. 100% for my children and grandchildren which is also another kind of love where I don't love them more than my own children it's just a different type of love. Mom, Dad, relatives, MY DOG. Different types of love. AND ONE MORE THING YOU CAN also love a person, but not like them very much too! Hugs ya --- me

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  4. We've been married 10 years and my love for my husband is a different kind of love for my girls. However, I would sacrifice my life for all of them.

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  5. the best thing you can do for your children is love your spouse. This is the priority in our house 1.God 2. spouse 3. kids...

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  6. I believe all couples should start at as good friends. If you love each other but don't like each other it is much more difficult to get along. I also believe that sometimes couples move too quickly and become intimate before they have established their relationship properly. Sex cannot cement a relationship (and a baby sure can't!) that is shaky but can enhance one that is solid. My last little bit of wisdom is that if we make Christ the head of our marriage it is much easier to keep our commitment.

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