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4/3/12

As If You Can Rob My Joy

Guest Post  from - Gabrielle of My Inner Wolf

The husband and I had a falling out.  I actually was trying to be open with him, in the hopes that if I'm open and honest, things will be better instead of hiding them inside.

He has a problem with me bringing snacks for our children whenever we go out. He thinks we should just wing it and see. No. I've done that before and my kids end up being hungry and whiny. I am a mother. I prepare for outings. I think ahead how my children will have a need and have back up. Don't all parents do this?

When going grocery shopping, I always make sure they are fed before or if I can't, then I bring a snack and just before I go into the store, I'll give it to them with their juice or water, so I wont have kids whining about how hungry they are and etc etc.  I've seen meltdowns in store and while I know I do not put up with that crap from my kids, anything can happen!

My husband thinks that's one of the worst things I could do, because it makes it seems that we are eating off the shelves.
I told him; I don't care about what people think of me. Gosh I care about what people think of me all my life and it's affecting me. If this one time I don't care and can feel free, what's the matter?
I do not care what people think about me in the store. I am not like them. I am NOT a thief.  And if they want to verify, let's go check those tapes right there in the front of that store and you will see I brought my own food.
Apparently he hates shopping. I have to do it all by myself. Sometimes things get so overwhelming with the children and trying to keep them with me and not using the store as a playground. I don't think it's okay for parents to let their children run around stores unchecked.  And I know that if he is there helping, I wouldn't feel so overwhelmed all the time.

I see men shopping for their whole family. I see whole families shopping together. Why is it so hard for my husband to see that this is something that I want us to do together?

The very few times (Yes I can count it on my fingers) we've done grocery shopping together, I've felt so scared and anxious because I know he doesn't like it and he is probably upset that I might be taking too long to find an item, or something and I just feel so stressed out.

So...
When we got home. I thought instead of keeping it all inside, this was the time to tell him.
I started slowly and calmly (because you know they tell you to be calm and rational because men tend to check out if you start squealing like a pig on the first syllable) and I told him that I didn't think I did anything wrong. I was providing for my children and trying to make our shopping trip easier on us all.  I told him, I was not afraid of what people were thinking. They will always be thinking and judging. I also told him that it just would be nice to see ...to know that he really wanted to be with us and just be there doing this mundane thing with our family because it is a part of being a family.

He got upset and saying I was not going to make him feel guilty for ....

I left. (Usually he is the one who leaves) I took the keys. I drove away. I parked. I cried. I realize that trying to be open was just not something that work with this man. I've tried it so many times before, hoping that we could be better at our relationship.  It never works. I read and cried and read for hours.
I only went home because my car was almost dried up and had no gas.

When I got home, he asked where I went.
I didn't answer. I just went to say goodnight to my children.

That night I cleaned. In times like these we all clean right?  While cleaning, I had my ipod in and I sang and I danced around. I was singing praises and praise songs and you know how music can help your heart.

The next evening I went to speak to him. Seems it's always me who is doing the going-to.
He said I was rude to him.
Rude meaning that I didn't answer when he asked me where I went the evening before.
Sometimes it's best not to open my mouth if I'm angry honey. Too bad he can't seem to get this after so many years of marriage.

So we were talking and he said to me. How can you be rude to me and yet feel ok walking around singing worship.  How is anyone suppose to take you seriously about God.

I almost got angry, but I'm used to people like that who want to question your salvation.

So I said:  What does my praising God have to do with our relationship? It has nothing to do with us as a couple.  Just because you and I are not on a good page, doesn't mean me and my God shouldn't be on a good page and the fact that I can still be joyful with God is a good thing and you are NOT going to rob my joy. Maybe being in praise with God will give me the strength to come talk to you now instead of festering or it will help me to apologize if I need to.
I also told him: If there is one thing I did not expect from you, was to question my faith in God. I would never do that to you, no matter what sins you commit. Never. It's such a vulnerable thing to do to anyone especially to someone you love.

Then I thought I'd never sing again around him.

Remember this was the man who told me a few times that he loved how happy I was all the time and singing.

I also stopped going to church. Why bother when your own spouse thinks you are a fraud eh.

Why bother praying with my kids (I taught them to pray, every day, over meals, before bed, on our way to school) when my husband thinks I'm a fraud.

But I think it's true that saying, that says, don't make any decisions when you are hurt, angry or overwhelmed.

A few days after I felt better I realize, I can't contain my joy. I have to sing. I have to be me.

So I will sing. I will praise my God.
I will dance.

I will try to be me without fear even though it's so hard.

Yes...you cannot rob my joy.
Gabrielle from ' My Inner Wolf is a mother of two and married to her husband Nathaniel.
Thank you Gabrielle.
I appreciate your candid share. I can totally relate to this!



About the author: Owner of JamericanSpice. Sharing my journey in the present, from the past or thoughts for my future. Mom of two who loves to travel and read and decipher people.
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5 comments :

  1. UUUUUUUUUUUGH, I HATE when people question your faith in God because you don't behave in a way they thought you should... and then I remember... to he whom much is given, much is expected. You're being held to a higher standard because you do believe, and that's not a bad thing. People looking to you as an example will help you keep straight too, I think (and we can all use a little of that...at least I know I can). :)

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  2. I'm glad you're not letting him take the you out of you anymore!!! I so wish things were better for you, C. :(

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  3. Wow! I can relate sooo much! Good guest post. Mine will not go shopping with me, and that is all right. I don't like the critical eye. lol

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  4. that was interesting. there are also so much good that can be bad given too much of it. relationships are difficult yet they are the soul food.

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  5. Hopefully staying true to yourself won't drive your husband away but that is his problem, you need to be you and I hope that the two of you can work it out, maybe some counseling? Maybe,With a third party objective listener you might be able to become a working,loving unit for your family.

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