Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self. Cyril Connolly (1903 - 1974)
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Wednesday, April 18, 2012

That Feeling Inside Loneliness

It's midnight to the cross over of the next day and I'm here almost to the end of this movie that I realize is so much more gear towards life than fiction. I like these kinds of movies.

The end brought welled up tears to my eyes.

My kids are sleeping.

I'm on guard in a sort of way mothers do when they are alone with their children.

And then it hits. That space of loneliness that makes you feel the need for something, someone, daylight, the phone, people,...something.

I'm not afraid of my loneliness, but I still do not like the feeling it brings to me. It's an old feeling of when I was a child and all alone with no one, nothing to turn to and nowhere to go. It's as if feelings like these never mature, they just remain as they always were, even when they visit you in continuing years as you mature and get older.

I'm not sad.
I'm just lonely and I hope by tomorrow, it will go away. For now I'll let it pass through me.

If it doesn't leave tomorrow. I'll give it incentive to leave.
If it still doesn't, then let it be until it's time is spent.

I'm used to loneliness.


“When I get lonely these days, I think: So BE lonely, Liz. Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience. But never again use another person's body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings.” 
― Elizabeth GilbertEat, Pray, Love


About the author: Owner of JamericanSpice. Sharing my journey in the present, from the past or thoughts for my future. Mom of two who loves to travel and read and decipher people.
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4 comments:

  1. Hi Colette,
    The message in this post is powerful. I hope you feel better tomorrow. Life certainly has its ups and downs. Keep the faith and fight on. All the best to you.
    Judy

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you Judy. I appreciate that.
    I think it's a bit better today. I think once I awake, there is no me anymore, but us and if I'm focused about taking care of others, there's less of me and not time to ponder/feel too much.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I understand loneliness and admire your strength and wisdom in dealing with it. I pray for your healing.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I believe those thoughts are quite natural. And hold no threat as long as we can deal with them. Knowing those feelings will end and/or dealing with them helps. As longs as they go away...

    ReplyDelete

I appreciate your thoughts - Colette

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