I do not think that I'm quarrelsome and while I'll get pissy and show major attitude, my caring for my family and friends keep me from major insult and slashings of the tongue. It's not that I don't want to lay it all out there, it's because I feel keen about the hurt I will cause.
However I will withdraw. I go into myself. I do not wish to speak with the person or anyone. It's not always a nice silence. I'm usually alone battling the things of my heart. Whisperings to pray, stay calm, forgive and smile are the emotions that war against resentment, fear, anger, vulnerability etc.
My mother has come to understand that if I'm upset with her, unlike my sister who would go on a cuss-out with her and then say and do things she can only regret but never take back, I simply withdraw and become silent.
It doesn't mean I wont address the problem.
It means, inside my battle rages, and I wait for my anger to subside and for my mind to be clear so I can see their side and mine and then work for a resolution that is appropriate.
My husband doesn't understand this.
He despise the silence and think I'm just being mean spirited to him (silent treatment some call it) and should not be this way. He says I should communicate. Honestly sometimes trying to communicate is what got me in this spot in the first place! :) Which is why I wonder: Is Silence Really Golden?
I prefer silence and my inner battle to subside before engaging in more words and deeds that will no doubt be like a match to dynamite.
But sadly, when I'm overcome by situations or disagreements, I don't just withdraw from people, I also withdraw from God. That is never a good thing.
I feel not to smile with anyone, which means I'm not going to church.
I do not want to pray ash, so I don't pray.
I'm just in limbo with my battle.
Afterwards I realize maybe I could come out of my depressive withdrawal faster if I actually seek God's help in the matter.
1. Press into God when you want to pull away
God can handle my honesty and will respond even when human hearts can't handle
I must go where truth is: Church, Listen to praise music, Read the bible. Memorize verses to help me and Keep talking to God.
2. Praise God out loud when you want to get lost in complaints.
And trust me, I sure know what it's like to be lost in those. And they pile on and keep a coming!
3. Put myself in the company of truth
A friend who will speak the truth to me, pray with me, even if they can't help me.
While my temporary feelings are valid, I shouldn't let them lead me away from truth...from God.
I've always tried to work on myself. I'm taking little steps to own myself and live by choice and not by fear of not pleasing others, but there are times when I feel that I simply can't anymore. These times are so very hard and it's like turmoil blood running through my body, my soul. These are the days when I can only do the routine of living and breathe.
These are the days when I understand: "Footprints in the sand"
How do you calm down when you come unglued?
Colette is a busy mom of 2 kids focusing solely on being a mom. She hails from the Caribbean and now balances the full life of being a SAHM and dabbling in odd jobs to help around the home. She enjoys sharing her memories, hopes, food, travel, entertainment, and product experiences on her blog. Please read my disclosure