Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self. Cyril Connolly (1903 - 1974)


Is Silence Really Golden?

I do not think that I'm quarrelsome and while I'll get pissy and show major attitude, my caring for my family and friends keep me from major insult and slashings of the tongue.  It's not that I don't want to lay it all out there, it's because I feel keen about the hurt I will cause.

However I will withdraw. I go into myself. I do not wish to speak with the person or anyone. It's not always a nice silence. I'm usually alone battling the things of my heart. Whisperings to pray, stay calm, forgive and smile are the emotions that war against resentment, fear, anger, vulnerability etc.

My mother has come to understand that if I'm upset with her, unlike my sister who would go on a cuss-out with her and then say and do things she can only regret but never take back, I simply withdraw and become silent.
It doesn't mean I wont address the problem.
It means, inside my battle rages, and I wait for my anger to subside and for my mind to be clear so I can see their side and mine and then work for a resolution that is appropriate.

My husband doesn't understand this.

He despise the silence and think I'm just being mean spirited to him (silent treatment some call it) and should not be this way. He says I should communicate. Honestly sometimes trying to communicate is what got me in this spot in the first place! :) Which is why I wonder: Is Silence Really Golden?

I prefer silence and my inner battle to subside before engaging in more words and deeds that will no doubt be like a match to dynamite.

But sadly, when I'm overcome by situations or disagreements, I don't just withdraw from people, I also withdraw from God. That is never a good thing.

I feel not to smile with anyone, which means I'm not going to church.
I do not want to pray ash, so I don't pray.
I'm just in limbo with my battle.

Afterwards I realize maybe I could come out of my depressive withdrawal faster if I actually seek God's help in the matter.

And by reading Unglued by Lysa Terkeurst, I learned three things:
1. Press into God when you want to pull away
God can handle my honesty and will respond even when human hearts can't handle
I must go where truth is: Church, Listen to praise music, Read the bible. Memorize verses to help me and Keep talking to God.

2. Praise God out loud when you want to get lost in complaints.
And trust me, I sure know what it's like to be lost in those. And they pile on and keep a coming!

3. Put myself in the company of truth
A friend who will speak the truth to me, pray with me, even if they can't help me.
While my temporary feelings are valid, I shouldn't let them lead me away from truth...from God.

I've always tried to work on myself. I'm taking little steps to own myself and live by choice and not by fear of not pleasing others, but there are times when I feel that I simply can't anymore. These times are so very hard and it's like turmoil blood running through my body, my soul. These are the days when I can only do the routine of living and breathe.

These are the days when I understand: "Footprints in the sand"

How do you calm down when you come unglued? 

Colette is a busy mom of 2 kids focusing solely on being a mom. She hails from the Caribbean and now balances the full life of being a SAHM and dabbling in odd jobs to help around the home. She enjoys sharing her memories, hopes, food, travel, entertainment, and product experiences on her blog. Please read my disclosure 
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  1. I'm bad about withdrawing and being quiet, too. I find that if I give myself some time and space, it is usually better. I do need silence often.

    1. The space to calm down and be rational is very essential. Not everyone understand it at all.
      Thank you Kari.

  2. I think as far as the quiet goes, that you have to do what's best for you. My husband always needs time to reflect in order to make a rational decision when he's mad (which doesn't happen often, but it does happen). And he takes it, no apologies. It used to bother me, now I know it's his character and I don't mind at all. I expect it, actually.

    Your comments about staying close to God are spot on, I think. When we need him most, sometimes we tend to withdraw, and that's never a good thing. Like you said He understands our honesty. Relationships aren't always about the pretty, not even the ones we have with God. I'm sure he understands when we're mad or hurt and telling him about it.

    I heard a saying once that it's a good thing when your child lets you know how they feel (even if they're mad at you), because it means they trust you enough to let you know what's going on with them. I agree with that...and I bet God does too. ;)

    And I'm babbling, I know. So I'll stop and send over a happy wave and hello now instead. :)

    1. Rosey I love your comments! You always so honest!

      And I have heard that saying about children too, even in how they behave with you as the parent as well. It is so true.

      I think I can tell I've changed in ways in how I respond to my husband. It's like I give more of me that I'd hide away from others, but I'm not sure he sees it. And they always say, the ones closest to you hurt you so much more because they have your heart. When I say more, I mean, I let it out instead of smiling and pretending all is great. Even when I'm trying to smile and pretend all is great! It's like I can't do that with him! Maybe I feel

      But yes to definitely focus on pulling closer to God in hot situations instead of pulling away.

      Thanks :)

  3. I read this in awe, because my situation is the same, down to how my mother understands, how my sister is and how my husband doesn't understand and feels the same way. Glad I came across this, as its nice to know others are the same way and deal with the same things. Sorry, deleted the previous, as I didn't realize my last name would show up. Could you please delete them on your end, so they don't show. Thank you!.

    1. Thank you for sharing Melissa.
      I think they are deleted. No worries.

      I am so glad you shared. Because sometimes, it's like we are alone in our struggles you know. Not that we want others to struggle, but just to be reassured that we journey together and can help or find inspiration in others.

    2. I am glad I found you through the one facebook group. You gained a reader. I spent last night reading a lot on your blog and there is so many points you have made that just hit home!

    3. Thank you Melissa! That is wonderful to me that I've gained a genuine reader.
      And so have you.
      Enjoy the rest of this week! :)

  4. dont know where my comment went...
    i was saying, i am the one that wants to talk about things.. marc is the one that wants to the silence...

    1. It's usually the men who are silent :)

  5. I tend to go silent and retreat just like you do. I prefer to work through it inside until I'm over it. Usually a good nap will help too. ;)

    1. So true Liz.
      And sometimes the nap or doing chores help to calm..

  6. if you can't say something nice don't say it...people wonder why I'm quiet


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