Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self. Cyril Connolly (1903 - 1974)


I Did Light It Up!

In 2013 and some parts of 2012, I had been so stressed out and overwhelmed that I tried to get away. I couldn't just get up and leave, so I tried to get away.

It seems everyone has their thing that they can get away in or with. I had nothing. So I went to the shop and bought a box of cigarettes and a lighter.
I forced myself to smoke one. I figured I'd get the 'feel', that calm, that so many others claim they get from lighting up.
I couldn't breathe. I figured I should finish it. I tried.

It didn't help me.

I tried a second time many months later, and it did nothing then either.  I just smelled like stinky smoke that I despise. I can't even stand beside someone who smell of it.

I still have the rest and the lighter.

I didn't get to get away and I still wonder how I haven't gone mad with stress.  But alas when you have children, you no longer belong to yourself and so you'll fight to survive, to be and to do.

Most importantly, I've noticed every time I'm at my wits end and I just pray, even to say "God Help Me NOW!", He has been faithful to provide peace, help, grace.
Most times the situation isn't gone, just that I am better able to handle it without melting or feeling as if I'd go mad.

I do not agree with smoking. I wouldn't advise anyone to do it. I was desperate for some sort of relief. Of course that is going about it the wrong way, but at least I learn how bad things can get and how the human will seek anything to lighten their burdens from life. This is why we have to speak, and we need people in our lives that can help balance us when we need it most. I rarely speak, but just as I tell my kids to use their words, use their power, so too I'll have to begin.

But if you smoke or want to begin, I want to share this with you.

Look at it differently.

Now I have to do the same. If my kids are stressed out, how will I help them to find calm? How can I help myself to find calm in healthy ways?

Do you smoke? Did you? Have you stopped? Do you want to stop? Look at it differently.

It's not cool. Death is not cool. And it definitely does not help.

Colette is a busy mom of 2 kids focusing solely on being a mom. She hails from the Caribbean and now balances the full life of being a SAHM and dabbling in odd jobs to help around the home. She enjoys sharing her memories, hopes, food, travel, entertainment, and product experiences on her blog. Please read my disclosure 
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  1. I used to smoke when I was younger but have been tobacco free for 12 years now.

  2. I used to be a smoker... Quit as soon as I found out I was pregnant with Broxton.
    Now, it stinks so bad... I have no clue how I did it for so long... Nor do I know how marc tolerated it...

  3. I cannot smoke. Like my body will literally not allow me to inhale. I am the girl in the corner having coughing spasms. haha So I guess I avoided that vice pretty easily.
    beer on the other hand; that I had no problem with. But I now my limits too. :)

  4. I have never smoked and have never had the desire to, thank goodness. I know lots of people do smoke and get addicted to the feeling of calm it brings them. I'm glad that you didn't keep smoking. I have found that meditation seems to give me that calm feeling and it's so much healthier. I believe praying is the same thing. It is just making a connection with God.


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