Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self. Cyril Connolly (1903 - 1974)


For The Courage

Everyone wants a million dollars right? I mean, would you ever say no to such an offer? And if you did, what would you wish for instead? 

I want the thing that would help me to begin to heal. I would wish for courage. 
Courage to stand up for myself and not allow myself to be a doormat to everyone.
Courage to speak up for others and what is right
Courage to follow through on what I know is right without the consistent fear in my gut. 

I believe childhood trauma has taught me to be less, to hide, to be afraid all the time. 
I also fully believe that fear was passed on to me through my mom during pregnancy. We know now that those things do affect babies in utero. 

I can't remember a time when fear was not grasping me while I try to squeak through. 

I grew up in fear all through those orphanages and being parentless. 

I married fearfully instead of seeking counseling and asking questions to ensure I was going to be in a healthy relationship
I allowed my husband for over 17 years now to treat me less, speak to me less, and like a doormat. I was never an equal. 
I've eventually lost my voice in our marriage and fearfully hide away. I almost no longer exist. 
I fearfully watch as he gambled away our lives and now we live in debt.
I fearfully watch as he left parenting all to me, with the hopes that I will fail. e
I fearfully tried to protect my children from his condescending and hurtful behavior towards them without confronting him. 
My kids, especially my son, now struggle with trauma. I'm worried about him. 
I fearfully kept quiet about all the things that were killing our marriage. But that's what happens when your voice is taken. 

I would wish for the courage to live alive again. Courage to trust God with the future. Courage to parent strong without all the doubts

I'd wish for the courage to feel happiness and make bold choices for my life. 
I'd wish for the courage to not be afraid to post this.
I'd wish for the courage to know that I am important and deserve to be loved and care for as I do to others. 

I'd wish for the courage to live alive. 
I'd wish for courage. 

What would you wish for?

I am Colette. I am busy and screeching in late! I have two kids and I've always wanted 5 with the adoption of 2 to make 7. I LOVE kids! I'm a cultural mix of different countries. I love learning and sharing about everything that affects our lives. Consider me an eclectic blogger. Visit me and let's help to make life better for everyone! Please read my disclosure 

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